Stress Killer

ISTRI CANTIK DAN JELEK DI MATA SUAMI

kalo istri cantik ga sempet masak buat suami atau masakannya ga enak
suami bilang: ndak papa sayang... kita makan di restoran aja yuk...
kalo istri jelek ga sempet masak buat suami atau masakannya ga enak
suami bilang: masakan kok sama tampang sama... sama2 ga enak


kalo istri cantik kebelet minta dibeliin mobil baru
suami bilang: sabar ya sayang, nabung dulu... apa sih yang nggak aku beri
buat kamu...
kalo istri jelek kebelet minta dibeliin mobil baru
suami bilang: kamu tuh... ga tau apa cari duit susah, minta aneh2 lagi


kalo istri cantik lagi hamil tua lewat depan suami
suami bilang: sayang... wanita itu kalu sedang hamil justru sexy lho
kalo istri jelek lagi hamil tua lewat depan suami
suami bilang: weleh... gentong jalan, ngapain sih mondar mandir aje


kalo istri cantik ga mau nyuci pakaian
suami bilang: ahhh kan ada pembantu dan mesin cuci, lagian ntar tangan
kamu jadi kasar lho...
kalo istri jelek ga mau nyuci pakaian
suami bilang: dasar sok... nyuci pakaian aja ga mau... (sambil geleng2
kepala)


kalo istri cantik lagi ngambek dan cemberut
suami bilang: kamu biar cemberut gitu tetep keliatan manis kok Yang...
kalo istri jelek lagi ngambek dan cemberut
suami bilang: muka dari tadi dilipet ga dilipet juga sama aja...


kalo istri cantik lupa bangunin suami untuk kerja
suami bilang: kamu tidurnya nyenyak banget ya semalam, gapapa kok
sekali2 aku telat kekantor...
kalo istri jelek lupa bangunin suami untuk kerja
suami bilang: Tidur apa pingsan... aku bakal kena marah boss nih gara2
kamu...


kalo istri cantik dandan pake make up mahal
suami bilang: kamu tambah cantik deh... I Love You
kalo istri jelek dandan pake make up mahal
suami bilang: dasar BUBOR... Ibu-ibu Boros...!


kalo istri cantik kentut
suami bilang: ga papa sayang... kl kentut di tahan2 bikin penyakit lho...
kalo istri jelek kentut
Suami bilang: bau tau ga...! ga ada sopan santunnya sama sekali


kalo istri cantik ngajak plesiran ke Bali
suami bilang: Bali is beautiful place
Kalo istri jelek ngajak plesir ke bali
suami bilang: alah... ancol aja kenapa yang deket!!!


kalo istri cantik lagi sakit
suami bilang: Sebentar lagi juga sembuh... kamu banyak istirahat ya
kalo istri jelek lagi sakit
suami bilang: wah... jangan2 bentar lagi nih... namanya juga umur


kalo istri cantik pulang kerja lembur sampe malam
suami bilang: kamu pasti lelah sekali malam ini...
kalo istri jelek pulang kerja sampe malam
suami bilang: Ngapain sih ngelembur2 segala sampe lupa masakin suami


kalo istri cantik udah bbrp kali melahirkan
suami bilang: ikutan senam di gym aja biar tetap bugar dan km tetap
cantik
kalo istri jelek udah bbrp kali melahirkan
suami bilang: Tuh badan melar semua... ikutan senam sana tiap minggu pagi
di halaman PUSKESMAS...

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Ada tengah tapi nggak ada pinggirnya?
Jawab: Tengan malam dan tengah hari, nggak ada dech yang namanya pinggir malam atau pinggir hari.


Apa bedanya kelinci sama kancil?
Jawab: Sama-sama bukan sapi..haha


Kenapa kucing selalu menyembunyikan tahinya dengan pasir?
Jawabannya : Karena....takut di ambil kamu!!!




Mengapa mencium bau pisang seharian dapat menurunkan berat badan ?
Jawab : Karena tidak dimakan cuma dicium baunya.


Ada 2 Jenis Huruf A. Seorang kakek mengajari anaknya yang buta huruf. Kakek itu menunjuk huruf A, namun anak itu menjawab O. Lalu kata kakek itu... "itu huruf A, BEGO!" apa yang akan dikatakan oleh anak itu untuk membalas perkataan kakeknya?
Jawabannya : anak itu berkata: "Trus huruf A pinternya mana?"


Apa bedanya sapi Jepang dengan sapi Indonesia?
Bedanya adalah, kalau sapi Jepang senang makan rumput Indonesia, sedang sapi Indonesia tidak akan pernah mau makan rumput Jepang.


Apa beda cewek cantik dan cewek jelek?
Jawabannya : Cewek jelek mau dikasih baju sabagus apapun juga tetep jelek. Cewek cantik kaga usah pake baju juga sudah bagus.